Care Net, Vice President of Ministry Partnerships
Written in honor of James Thomas Patras (11/6/38 – 5/16/22)
“Every child has a hole in their heart in the shape of their father.” – Roland Warren
A central tenet of Care Net’s Pro Abundant Life vision is to help men be the fathers God has called them to be. Indeed, fathers matter…a lot! They are the number one influencer on whether their child is protected in the womb or sacrificed on the altar of abortion. And, they continue to have a profound impact throughout the lives of their children – for better or for worse.
These truths are deeply personal for me.
On May 16, 2022, my dad went home to be with Jesus. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I still hear his enthusiastic “Tomas!” whenever I walked into his apartment to play cards and watch our beloved Baltimore Ravens or Chicago Cubs. I still hear him telling me he loved me and was proud of me, and I can still picture the mischievous grin he wore whenever he was trying to pull one over on me.
But Dad and I were not always close.
Growing up, I barely knew him. His job kept him traveling most of the year, and when he was home, life was complicated. My mom struggled with bipolar disorder for many years before eventually finding stability and, by God’s grace, coming to faith in Christ. I thank God for the transformation He brought to her life.
Everything in my relationship with Dad began to change in 1993. After watching my mom’s life change through Christ and after losing his job, Dad surrendered his life to Jesus. Then he gave me one of the greatest gifts a father can give a son: complete access to his heart and a willingness to help me heal.
I carried years of anger and hurt. I was angry that he was absent when I needed him most. Angry that he wasn’t there to teach me, guide me, protect me, or help me navigate the challenges of growing up.
A Christian counselor challenged me to write Dad a letter—holding nothing back. What emerged was 33 pages of raw pain, written through tears.
Later, in a counseling session, I read the entire letter to him…word for word.
For thirty minutes, Dad listened as I poured out every hurt, disappointment, and accusation. He never interrupted. He never defended himself. He never made excuses.
When I finished, there was a long silence.
Then Dad stood up, pulled me into his arms, and held me as he repeated through tears, “I am so sorry, my son. I love you so much. I am so sorry.”
That moment changed my life.
From that day forward, Dad became one of my heroes and one of my closest friends. Some of my favorite memories are the Sunday afternoons my children and I spent with him after my mom passed away.
When Dad took his final breath, it was one of the most beautiful moments I have ever witnessed. Surrounded by family, he blessed his children and grandchildren, sang hymns with us, and then peacefully slipped into the arms of Jesus.
This Father’s Day, I am filled with gratitude that my dad affirmed my life from the very beginning. I am grateful that, despite his shortcomings, he had the humility to own his mistakes and the courage to walk with me through the healing process. And, I am grateful that God redeemed our relationship and allowed us to become best friends before He called Dad home.
Fathers matter. God designed them to play a unique and irreplaceable role in the lives of their children. Study after study has found that when fathers are present, engaged, and invested in their children’s lives, children are more likely to flourish across nearly every major measure of well-being.
Kids don’t need perfect fathers – they need the gift of their presence, love, humility, and perseverance.
This Father’s Day, I pray blessings over all the dads who are faithfully showing up, and over those who are working to restore broken relationships with their children. It is never too late for God to write a redemption story.
I also pray blessings over the dads who are facing unplanned pregnancies this Father’s Day. I pray God gives them the courage to face their fear and choose life for their unborn child and abundant life for themselves and their families. And, I pray for more frontline workers in pregnancy centers and churches across America to come alongside men as they make this decision and to support them throughout the amazing journey of fatherhood.
Happy Father’s Day!
