When a man first hears the words “I’m pregnant,” his emotional response is rarely simple. Fear, shock, excitement, and happiness often collide in the same moment.
That complex emotional mix sits at the center of A Few Good Men: Increasing the Masculine Presence, a recent study published by the Vitae Research Institute. Rather than treating men as peripheral to unexpected pregnancy and abortion decisions, the research examines what men feel and how those emotions shape their involvement. The study was designed to equip pregnancy centers, churches, pro-life nonprofits, and post-abortion ministries with insight into how to better engage and support men during one of the most pivotal moments of their lives.
Vince DiCaro, Chief Outreach Officer at Care Net, served on the advisory committee for the study.
“Previously, Care Net’s national surveys on abortion found that both women and men agree that the father of the baby is the most influential voice in a woman’s pregnancy decision. This new research further establishes the importance of engaging men in a positive way on life decisions,” he said.
For the study, the Vitae Research Institute conducted in-depth interviews with 50 men, including 20 who said they would support their girlfriend or wife regardless of her decision, 16 who expressed a clear preference for abortion or continuing the pregnancy, and 14 who had not previously faced an unexpected pregnancy or abortion.
According to the study, hearing news of an unexpected pregnancy and experiencing complex emotions often pushes men to immediately reevaluate the relationship, their readiness for fatherhood, and whether they want a child at all. That makes the first conversation between partners especially important, yet many men say they feel unprepared for it and unsure of what to say.
The research also shows that the health of the relationship plays a major role in how men respond. Men who feel committed and trusting are more likely to support the pregnancy, while those in weaker or short-term relationships are more likely to disengage or consider abortion. Even when men defer to women on abortion decisions and view pregnancy as a known risk of sexual relationships, they consistently describe fatherhood as meaningful and express a strong desire to provide for and protect their family. Together, these findings point to both the influence men have and the support gap that often limits their engagement.
In A Few Good Men: Increasing the Masculine Presence, the authors acknowledge that it’s an uphill battle to rewire a man’s emotional response to pregnancy decisions but also shared some good news.
“Most men do truly desire to support their wife/girlfriend when told of an unexpected pregnancy. The difficulty is that so many believe ‘I’ll support you, whatever you choose’ to be the best response; they really do think it is supportive. Interestingly, many are surprised to learn that most women don’t like to hear this. Significantly, they nearly all agree that the ideal is for the man and woman to have a conversation and to make the decision together.”
This need for conversation and collaboration in pregnancy decisions is noted in the latest book from Care Net CEO and President Roland Warren, The Alternative to Abortion: Why We Must Be Pro Abundant Life. In the book, Warren challenges the cultural narrative that tells men their role begins and ends with saying, “I support you, whatever you decide.”
“This puts the weight of the decision back on the woman. She asks the baby’s father, ‘What do I do?’ A ‘pregnant pause’ follows that often determines the trajectory of the life of the baby. If he says, ‘It’s up to you, Babe,’ he abdicates his role as provider and protector. This script doesn’t empower a woman. Instead, it leaves her feeling alone and unsupported. Who is most likely to get an abortion? The woman who is alone and unsupported.”
Our culture touts this as a model for healthy masculinity. But nothing could be further from the truth. ‘Whatever you decide’ is not masculinity. God made men to take responsibility for their actions.
Thanks to this new study from the Vitae Research Institute, pro-life organizations are better positioned to move the needle when it comes to “increasing the masculine presence” for those faced with pregnancy decisions.
“I am hopeful that churches and pregnancy centers will use this new data to develop more effective programs to reach men,” DiCaro said, “helping them answer the call to be good fathers and husbands, and protectors of unborn life.”